the bottle and the answers
by the lola
Summary: 'And Scorpius Malfoy cannot handle love. He breaks his own heart, watching her as she watches him as he pushes and pushes, and eventually the ground between them starts to crack because he's pushed so far.'


**Word Count: **1,447

**Challenge/Competition:** Gift Giving Extravaganza!

**Prompts:** Lily/Scorpius, angst**, **ice, fallen, sunshine, oxymoron and angel

**Warnings: **Depictions of alcohol abuse.

**Disclaimer:** I don't claim to own Harry Potter, it's all JKR's.

**Note: **This story is for the lovely **InkTeardrops**! This was your request, so I really really hope you like it & I'm sorry I've left it so last minute.

* * *

There's always a possibility of answers at the bottom of a bottle. There was never a possibility of answers with her. It's not his fault, she did this to him. She drove him to the bottle.

Although he rarely likes to admit it, he loves her. He loves her with such a burning intensity that he physically cannot be without her. He is that selfish that he cannot set her free to be happy without him.

And Scorpius Malfoy cannot handle love. He breaks his own heart, watching her as she watches him as he pushes and pushes, and eventually the ground between them starts to crack because he's pushed so far. Her jade eyes are engrained to his brain, so beautiful but so dead.

Malfoy's are not supposed to love. They are supposed to glide through life with a beautiful woman on their arm and money in their pockets. Success is key. Nothing more, nothing less. He's never watched anyone love.

Shoving the glass to the side angrily and watching it shatter into a thousand shards on the green carpeting, he grabs for the whole bottle instead. He'll get through it all anyway. Tipping as much as he can into his mouth, he swallows the amber liquid without a grimace as it leaves a trail of fire down his throat.

Scorpius winces as a memory tries to surface, forcing back another gulp of drink. Still, if Lily wants in, she'll get in.

"_Scorpius Malfoy is now classed as damaged goods," she taunts, "Finally come for the easiest of the bunch?"_

_He shrugs. "I like to have fun."_

"_So do I. I haven't slept with half of my year group. No one wants you anymore, Scorpius." _

_And it stings, because it's the one thing he's always felt and never wanted to be true. Maybe this time it is. "Oh, really?"_

"_Really," she spits, folding her arms across herself. _

"_Why do you care?" He raises an eyebrow, taking a step into her personal space, towering over her. _

_Unfazed, she says, "I don't." _

"_Why say it then?" Another step, forcing her against the wall._

_She clenches her jaw. "Shut up, Scorpius." _

"_Make me." He frowns, but smirks inside. He has to prove this to himself._

_And she sighs, as he watches the cogs turn in her glittering eyes. She pushes herself onto her tiptoes, looping her arms around his neck and leans into his lips, which brush for a fraction of a second before she pulls away, face alight. _

"_No one, Scorpius. Not even slutty Lily."_

Slamming his fist against the table, he groans. That is the moment that he just _knew _she was the one – it was in her eyes. She was fire and ice all mixed into one and he couldn't resist. When she was bright, she was sunshine, and Scorpius needed sunshine.

Now, she's all ice. She's cold, jagged edges with steel insides to match. And that, that is his fault. They've fallen so far. It's as if they started on the top of a cliff and just fell. Maybe there was a few objects in the way to catch them and make them feel safe, but then they'd continue to fall. They are at the bottom now, he knows. She's not doing it anymore.

All he sees when he looks at her is defeat. She loves him. He ruined her. The whole idea of love is that you give someone the power to break you, but you trust them enough not to. How was Scorpius supposed to understand when he didn't know love until he knew Lily?

"_I may not belong with my family and you may not belong with yours, but we belong with each other Scorpius, I know that much." She slides a cold hand on top of his as they stare into the fire. _

"_I know, and I am so lucky to have you. I don't know what I'd do without you." It becomes one of those rare silent moments between the two of them, but neither of them mind. Silence is comfortable. _

It causes him physical pain to remember the past, then realise the present. No longer does she hide away in her room, hoping he'll come upstairs sober and kiss her till she forgets the situation. Sometimes he would do that for her. But, it's too hard to handle. It's the most twisted and deformed sort of love by this point. It's ugly and black. It's their aspiring oxymoron.

He forces gulp after gulp of amber liquid down his throat, trying to forget. He just wants to pass out. To pass out and to wake up to her fresh face as she pulls open their curtains and lets the sun burn his hungover eyes. To watch as she attempts to understand but gives up and makes coffee instead. To listen as she babbles about a party she wants to go to or a story she wrote, the whole time busily avoiding the topic of alcohol and the previous nights.

"_Where are you going?" he says groggily as he opens his eyes to the burning light as Lily pulls the green curtains open, bags packed at her feet._

"_Away," she says tightly._

"_Where?" He pushes himself up from the bed so quickly that the blood rushes to his head._

"_I'm leaving, Scorpius. I can't do this anymore." _

_It's as if he's been punched in the stomach. He can barely breathe. "You can't leave." _

"_I can and I am. You don't care about me." She walks across the room and stands at the end of the bed._

"_I love you!" he says desperately, "I won't survive without you."_

"_I love you too but you are __**killing **__me Scorpius. I love you so much that I have to leave, because I can't spend my life in fear of you, or arguing with you, or pretending with you. I don't want to end up hating you." And she says it so sincerely, as her eyes shine with unshed tears for the first time in a long time. _

_The first thing he thinks is that he needs a drink and Merlin; he hates himself all over again. "One more chance. Please, I'm __**begging**__ you." He jumps out of the bed and wraps his arms around her. _

"_Scorpius, let me go. If you love me, you'll let me go. This is the consequence of your own actions."_

And he hadn't touched the alcohol since she left, not until tonight. The constant memories of her were like his own personal torture and she wasn't coming back, so who was he doing it for? He doesn't care about ruining himself; he'd done that long ago.

He takes one final swig before the darkness overcomes him and the bottle goes crashing to the floor, still offering no answers.

* * *

**Two years later**

He steps into the room, shaken by nerves. He doesn't want to be here, not one bit. Alcoholics anonymous. He finally admitted the problem. And it wasn't Lily, it was him. He was the alcoholic. He was the one choosing alcohol over love. He's done with that. He's moving on.

The chairs are arranged into a circle, half the group filling them so far. He has the biggest urge to turn around and leave, but something keeps his feet moving in the direction of the chairs and sitting on one. When he looks around the circle, he realises what it was.

"Hi everyone, I'm Lily Potter and I'm going to be running todays AA session. Welcome," she says softly, smiling slightly as she scans the circle. Setting eyes on Scorpius, her smile falls and then broadens. "You're all new. You can tell us as much or as little of your story as you like. Who'd like to start?"

Suddenly filled with confidence, Scorpius raises his hand. "I would. I'm Scorpius Malfoy, I'm an alcoholic and I lost the love of my life to alcohol." He watches as the circle nods kindly, and he recognises the look in his eyes in theirs, too. They've all lost someone they love. "I've barely touched alcohol in the past two years, but sometimes the painful memories get so strong that it's hard. I want nice memories and then I want to pass out, so I drink. And I drink and I drink until I drown. I can't help it."

"Recovery will help you in every aspect of your life Scorpius, maybe even with that love you lost," Lily says, smiling sweetly. Her eyes are alight again, glittering with that life that he fell in love with in the first place.

* * *

_**AN-** _I like a hopeful ending, okay? Please don't forget to review/favourite, your feedback is much appreciated. Lots of love! x


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